Thanks mom and dad....

I'm a product of divorced parents, multiple marriages and parent figures coming and going. I have issues with my childhood, and often remember the bad over the good. I am hypercritical of other parents and how they go about their lives, even though I am not a parent yet myself. I don't think I'm "screwed up" because of my parents personal lives, but I find that they don't really know how much their lives are intertwined with my own.

Let me tell a story:

One Thanksgiving, Stepmom #2 took the illegit half sister to eat with her ex-husband and her own kids, instead of being with me and my dad. Dad was a bit broken up and wasn't sure if she was going to return. He said, "Maybe my next wife will be a beer drinker. None of my wives have been big beer drinkers and look how that's turned out."

Partially in jest, I (being 17 then) replied, "Maybe you could ask me what I think next time."

My dad never really told me when a new mom was coming into my life. Excuse me for thinking that my opinion would mean something to my father.

I didn't think this would get back to Step-mom #2, but it did in the most retarded way possible. Of course it was going to be misconstrued. Instead of asking me reasonably, she held a grudge until I was about 22, then let it out during a fight we we're having.

My parents spent the better time of my high school and college life being angry with me, despite any successes or accomplishments. To this day, I still think they don't know anything about me or the adult I've become. What's surprising is that I was an honor roll student, academic and extra-curricular leader and have never been in jail. Not exactly a problem child, so why was I such a failure in their eyes at the time?

When I was a senior in high school, I discovered that when I was in boat, none of that mattered. I used crew and school as an escape. For the last 3 years, my father has tried to convince me to quit Master's crew, despite him being the one who suggested I try crew in high school. It's these types of idiosyncrasies that make me seriously question the role of parents after a certain age.

Even now, as I am visiting them from ATL, I'm still thoroughly convinced that they have a screw loose. Doesn't exactly make me want to run out and become a parent anytime soon. At a time when I'm definitely behind in the marriage curve, and not even on the grid for the baby curve, I wonder if there is a right way to go about this whole biological clock/life plan thing.

As a coxswain, I just want to cox my race on my own terms. Luckily, I have a partner that is "in the same boat". Already, that's good enough for me. Maybe one day, I can create a lifestyle that would be good for child. Not creating a lifestyle and hope that the child can fit in.