We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to witness a trainwreck...

Every once in a while, I get to see the most entertaining thing ever: a complete and utter flirting trainwreck. The guy was cute enough, but obviously not the most interested. Even if he was, he was quickly turned off by the following.

Homegirl didn't skip a beat. She went right from the introduction, and proceeded to jump into her "hot plans" for the evening. Normally this would be fine, seeing as though this all took place in a conference exhibit hall, disguised as a cheap flea market. A lot of people at a laughable venue and you are sure to make friends with your fellow eye-rollers. But homegirl accomplished something I never thought possible when sober, a TRIFECTA if you will...

1) Lolli lolli

-Homegirl began her encounter by taking the guy's lollipops. Most exhibitors have free candy to attract people to their booths. One grape Tootsie pop (the big ones) and you think this girl could perform surgery with her tongue. The sucking maneuver was just a little too obvious and a little too slutty.

Now I'm not one to shoot down the lollipop trick. It is a small, but obvious way to get your sexual attraction across. However, lick with caution and don't be a trick-ass ho. Also, don't pick a color that makes your lips purple.

2) Curse like a sailor

-Every third word was a Sh*t, or a**, or F*ck. Geez, calm down homeslice. I know that the relaxed use of curse words convey that she is very easy going and open around hot guy. However, she knew nothing about this guy. Plus, you're not at a bar, you're in a "professional" atmosphere. This is a clear Classy vs. Trashy.

3) You are not Erin Andrews

-Here it comes, the line that sealed the deal on homegirl's crash and burn.

"It's my dream job to be a sports anchor."

Yes, most guys like sports. Yes, you may be a huuuuge Red Sox fan, but you are a middle representative for a speaker's bureau. Close, but not quite a job to break you into the sports broadcasting business. No need to brag about your sports savvy, no need to rub it in. Just cause you can navigate your way through a baseball conversation (never as good as I can, however), does not a Bonnie Bernstein make...

This isn't my first witness of a totally flirting train wreck. I might be mistaken, and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I'm a pretty good flirter. NO need for artificial conversation. No need to blow yourself up bigger than you really are. A guy knows when you're just blowing smoke up his ass, and those that don't aren't worth the extra effort. Remember the old saying, "Those who try to hard to impress are often the most insecure of them all."

Be genuine. Be confident in yourself that you are someone that people like to talk to and want to get to know. Stick to what you know and know when to walk away. Don't volunteer your entire life story. Don't be a ho, we're not in high school...

All a guy really needs is a nice Hi and a smile.