Dynamics

When you surround yourself with different groups of people, you adjust yourself. Colleagues, girlfriends, family, etc. I've always had a problem separating my school life and my family life, but it wasn't until I started dating that I could really see how one person can affect you so completely.


Since then, in hindsight, I can track exactly how these shifts (and rifts) with people have a direct correlation to who we were/are/will be.

A teammate can push you to be more competitive, to focus on achieving your personal best. An encouraging supervisor can inspire your creativity and productivity.


In a scientific study, if an attractive woman walks into a room, other women were noted to express cattiness or insecurity, without knowing the woman, before she's even said anything.


Dynamics play a pervasive part in how we interact with others and how we reflect upon ourselves. If we are the company we keep, what types of people bring out the best in us? If you play tennis with a great tennis player, then you will eventually learn to play better tennis. 





Here is another unfortunate way of saying this. I had a boyfriend (a different one) who was taking Chemistry I with a group our friends (back when everyone wanted to be doctors). After a big midterm, he scored the highest of all our friends, yet was still disappointed he didn't get an A. As a reaction, he said, "I should get smarter friends. Then I'd have more incentive to do better."



As much of an asshole as he was, it does illustrate the point. So, knowing the type of influence our friends, family, complete strangers have on us, what about us is our authentic self?


In my paternal immediate family, I authentically feel like a bit of an outsider.  In my maternal immediate family, I feel like the lynchpin that can bring people together. Perhaps, I'm a little bit of both, or maybe neither.


In college, when we were put in groups, I did not take much of a leadership role. On the crew team, I was VP of Administration.


Times change, people change, influences change over time, and sometimes take on a whole new meaning in hindsight. Now, at a time when I am especially looking for a bigger purpose and goal, those influences seem to manifest into some pretty negative blog posts that I eventually deleted.

What I really wanted from all the reflection was to find a sense of self. Instead, those dynamics have led me toward a new goal: To be the action, not the reaction. 

I am certainly flexible, but that doesn't mean I need to be pliable around certain people. Certainly adapt and navigate waters carefully in social situations, but you cannot control other people's projections, just ourselves. So if we're talking about dynamics, what ways can you change the dynamic positively? In a group, and in your life?


This is not about being an alpha dog, or shunning small talk. It's about opening yourself up to a person or group. Connecting and finding good interests and attributes that can inspire you; and in return, being a positive counterpoint. Notice, nowhere in this exchange are you being fake, biting your tongue, or controlling the conversation. 


If we see inspiration in other people, what will we be inspired to do? Sounds a lot more empowering than complaining about people...