Monday, June 3, 2013

A Holding Pattern

Raphael Soyer (1899-1987) Railroad Waiting Room, 1954 (lithograph) Childs Gallery
Not too long ago, I blogged about my excitement; my excitement that this was going to to be the year of drastic change. I was going to get a new house, a new job, a new (to me) car and a new leadership position. All key factors to the renaissance of my late twenties. 

Without a doubt, this big transition will come. But to my dismay, I'm very disappointed that it hasn't happened yet. 

Blame has nothing to do with it. I can't blame others for why I haven't found a new job, new house, etc.  In fact, I am very sure most of the delay has been on my part. My resume, my criteria for a house, our financial budget, my discontent on settling for something that doesn't fit. It seems the more I push for what I really want, the farther and farther away my transition gets. I am very much standing still. 

"That wasn't the one for you." It's a house, not my soul mate. It's a job, not a life sentence. I don't believe that at some magic moment, the perfect house and the perfect job will be sent down from heaven, just for me. Meant to be is hard to swallow at this juncture.

"Blame the market. The housing market. The job market. It's not the right time."
All have been offered up as secondary excuses. But haven't we been told since the wee days that excuses are unacceptable? 

If something that I desperately want is out there, in existence, why haven't I figured out a way to get it yet? Are these things really in my control, or is it just a cosmic timeline, and I have to wait for my life to turn that corner? 

It reminds me of just a few short months/years ago; being in a holding pattern and waiting for life to start. You're not sure if you are being too passive in expecting that life will just happen to you, like they say. Or, if you're supposed to take life by the horns and create it yourself, why did you choose to be in your currently situation? 

No answers here. No plans. No options. Just a blank slate, for better or for worse.

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