Fight

This weekend, I confessed that I always wanted to get into a fight. A real knock-down, drag-out, passionate fist fight. I love Fight Club and it could be true, how do you know who you really are until you've gotten in a fight with someone?


I've had multiple dreams where I am fighting something, but there is always hesitation. I go to punch someone and I hold back. It doesn't matter who the person is, it changes nightly. It doesn't matter if it's an issue from my past or a completely fabricated dream scenario. I always seem to wrangle myself in whenever the opportunity presents itself, even if I really, truly want to throw down.

This inability disturbs me on many levels, even if it is just a dream. In the one major physical fight I was involved in, I spent the majority of the duration trying to break it up. Four drunk guys and me in the middle of the field at The Preakness didn't seem like the best odds for winning. My small part consisted of ripping one insanely drunk ho off of my then-significant other, then her calling me a b*tch. Strangely, I didn't have a come-back. Even then, I couldn't rise to the challenge.


There are times when I want it; to feel it my stomach, that hot-blooded, unbridled anger/torment/will to win. To be pushed. To be triggered and finally blow up. In my head, I think it would be the most freeing release of all the issues that I desperately want to be rid of. Coxswains aren't supposed to lose their cool, but I'm not in a boat right now...

In school, we were taught to avoid fights. But, they say that everyone is fighting a battle. Whether it's fighting for what we want, fighting to survive, fighting to make a relationship work, fighting to make a PR or earn a seat in the boat, our goals aren't supposed to be easy. They're not supposed to be handed to us. You want it? Go and get it.


Fight with Fire
The battles we choose to fight speak volumes about us. It shows our limits and our restraint, our passion and our grit. Obstacles/opponents test our strength, our determination, our morals. When it's over, we have battle scars, pain, the joy of winning or the agony of defeat. We've been pushed to the edge, and there is no turning back. 


It's easy to say that we all have little fight in us. But will you be ready to fight when the time comes?